Old Movies

I was channel surfing the other day and stopped for a few moments on Ellen. She was talking about old black and white movies and how the people talked so fast. She imitated them and I snickered; I didn't remember them talking fast and figured she was just exaggerating for a laugh or two.

And last night I dug through my two month old pile of DVD's from Netflix and found one that fit the time slot I was trying to fill: and hour and a half..Title: Brief Encounter. I scratched my head after I read the description, wondering how I ever ended up with this in my watch list. Ah, yes it all comes back to me now, this was recommended by AW, a hospice patient of mine..months ago!

The movie was released in 1945, is black and white and takes place in England or some place similar. It is about the accidental meeting and subsequent whirlwind ' almost' affair of two previously happily married people. It was very moving and well portrayed.

I am so sorry I did not watch this movie immediately when I ordered it, when AW was still functioning and able to share her dreams and insights. She is almost vegetable now and I will never know if suggesting this film was the beginning of a deeper sharing of her life experience. She always had some very personal and interesting stories to tell and none of them were ever of regret. I guess that is what made it special. So now I can only hope for a moment of lucidity and that she can fill me in on the details that will otherwise remain a mystery to me.

And YES, they talk very fast in the old movies!

It's the Little things

One of the things that I like best about volunteer visiting for Hospice is that when I least expect it, I come away with something that affects me profoundly. Now, you are probably thinking that it is something that I say or do that impacts my patients life but you would be wrong. It is something that my patients say to me that makes those bells go off in my head.

Guess it would be best to give you an example of what I'm talking about. Lately I have been doing a lot of chores around the house; just maintenance sort of stuff, nothing esoteric or exotic! So, while I am visiting my folks the conversation will inevitably turn to the question " so what have you been doing lately?"

I always make it a point to avoid talking about myself and my interests, but sometimes it's better to just answer the question. It often leads to another story or remembrance that they feel like sharing. I found myself in just that predicament today. " What have you been doing lately?"

I replied:

I've been treating my fence with a waterproofing application and then as if that is not enough I tell them that I am refinishing the chairs from my dining room set. Usually discussion about either of these two things would result in a comment like: "that's nice...what else is new?"

But not so with these folks. They invariably say:

" I wish I could do that!"

Gratitude for even the mundane things in life is real.

It's Called Respect

One of the folks I visit weekly has Parkinson's Disease...this is a nasty one that gradually (sometimes not so gradually) takes away one's ability to do anything. One of the obvious signs is an uncontrollable shaking of the limbs; but the symptoms go much further than that, eventually they will inhibit the ability to walk, eat, talk...well, I think you get the picture.

Anyway, this lady has moved along, as this disease has assaulted her dignity in so many ways, accepting whatever it hands her and making the best of it. I noticed that she had an adult potty standing against the wall in her bedroom; it was a new fixture. I asked about it and she said "It just appeared. I didn't ask for it and I don't want it but there it is."

Here is what one looks like



She went on to ask what she was supposed to do with it. She can still manage to get up, with help and the REAL toilet is only about four steps further that this portable thing. Is she honestly supposed to get help to get to the adult potty so she can then smell the after-effects for the rest of the night (or day as the case may be)? She is rather adamant about it. She wants it gone. It is not only a matter of pride and decency but using it (in her mind) means...the end. Don't they get it?

I heard her lament and down inside somewhere I was cheering for her. Good for you I was saying. You are still a person that deserves respect. You've got mine. Then the conversation moved on to other things. This was even more distressing.

She doesn't get many visitors; when she does is it her children (just a few years younger than me) and it seems that with each visit she gets more and more upset. They come for the obligatory visit and spend time in her living room with her. So what is the problem, I ask. They come with their computers and hand-held gadgets. They are physically here but they spend all their time on those blasted gizmos. So I let her go on about it. I know what she means; I see people out for dinner and everyone at the table is pushing some buttons or yakking into a cell phone...everybody wants to make a connection, but not with each other. I had to confront someone on the way to visit with her. They were obviously texting while driving, swerving all over the road. I decided that it was safer to stay behind them at 55mph in a 70 mph zone than to be in front of them.

So, you're feeling that they are rude and being insensitive toward you? Yes, that's is exactly it. Well, I know what you mean but I am afraid I don't have any answers for you.

Oh, by the way, I won't be here next week I am taking a little trip. She says, while you are at it see if you can find someone in need of the potty...I want it out of here!

How to Find a Man

During my visit with a woman who is on the right side of 80 and still going (somewhat) we got on the subject of men. In particular, finding one. She gave me this sage advice:

"What you have to do is get yourself a couple of bikinis, then go on down to the lake. Throw your blanket down (any which way) and lay down on it. When a man comes along...one you might be interested in, say: "Excuse me sir, would you straighten out my blanket (with a smile and a wink of course!)" "

There you have it!